How to identify where a driver is from

One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago.

One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York.

One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New Jersey.

One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston.

One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Los Angeles.

Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to ask someone in the back seat: Italy.

One hand in pocket, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game: Seattle.

One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald’s bag out the window: Texas.

Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia.

Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above the steering wheel, driving in the left lane at 35 on the Interstate with the left blinker on: Florida.

Anyways- I would like to submit another comparison that could be applied to any city on the Southwest Coast of Florida (greatly populated with Senior Citizens, Rednecks, and Illegal Aliens).

Here we go…
Merging onto the freeway-The vehicle with the biggest wheels has the right of way. In some neighborhoods however, the low-rider ElCamino with a horn that plays “La Cucaracha” takes precedence. Senior citizens only have the right of way if they are traveling as a patient in an ambulance.

Signaling-Signaling is not taken too seriously as many senior citizens tend to leave turn signals, hazard lights, etc. on without knowledge. The Rednecks occasionally use physical gestures, ie. the middle finger, mooning, flashing, to communicate with others on the road.

Horn usage-If the horn is functional, it is perceived more as an artistic cultural expression and takes the forms of classic ballads such as “Dixieland” or the “Mexican Hat Dance.”

Taxis- Yellow Cabs do not exist. Medi-vans are only available to Medicare recipients needing transportation to MD appointments or Adult Day Care.

Rush Hour-Rush hour occurs at 4:00 a.m.- it consists of the seniors rushing to get their Newspaper and the early bird breakfast, Rednecks leaving the local bar, and Pickup Trucks full of illegal aliens on route to pick fruit.

Parking Spaces-Over half of the parking spaces are reserved for handicapped. The rest generally get filled up with the Manatee County Chapter of the Hells Angel’s or Go-carts.

Gas Prices- Not concerning to the vast siphoning population.

Average Driving Style-Unlicensed, uninsured, uninsurable, legally blind per cataracts or having one eye shot out by a BB gun as a child.

Bad weather effect:During emergency hurricane evacuations, traffic increases to 15 mph from 10 mph. on major highways. This traffic is composed completely of senior citizens as redneck etiquette is to remain with the trailer and illegal aliens stay behind for a potentially prime looting situation

Spacial:Very inconsistent due to many factors: ie. prescription and non-prescription medications, advancement of Alzheimers Disease, hallucinations, random items such as gardening equipment flying off the back of one’s pickup.

Hope you enjoyed, drive safely, and GO BEARS!